hello… hi. um, hi.

I’m Kelly.

artsy girl with a potty mouth.
mother of daughters.
full-time introvert.

 
 
 
IMG_1445-tiny.jpg
 
 

Awkward is my love language.

(also a 37-year-awkward-phase is definitely a thing and i probably invented it)

My memories of middle school are a blur of grown-out home perms and failed efforts at fashion, makeup and general conversation. My attempts to fit in were a strange combination of awkward silence and awkward over-sharing, with some almost-funny jokes in-between.

And, naturally, for most of my life, I’ve been surrounded by the outgoing, gregarious types — my mom, sister, husband, cousins, school friends, co-workers — so many extroverts (many of them stylish, charming extroverts with nice hair). At our wedding, Matt the Brawny Man (my personality-opposite), performed the entire dance scene from Napoleon Dynamite in front of 120 people and loved every moment of it.

Meanwhile, you might have found me hiding in the bathroom for a quick recharge between rounds of social interaction. People probably thought I had IBS, but really I was just hiding from unsolicited face-kisses.

 
 
 
Polaroids1-tiny.jpg
 
 

I also speak Myers-Briggs.

you’re looking at an MBTI® Certified Practitioner. #fancy

In what I'm calling my third-life crisis (like a mid-life crisis, that's only a third of the way through because I guess I will live to be 111?), I dove head-first into all things personality type — online quizzes, books, blogs about introverts being introvert-y. To make my new obsession official, I became an MBTI® (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) Certified Practitioner. Fancy, no? I went all-in.

I finally confirmed that I’m an INFP — for me, this means I feel all of the feelings but I’m not very good at sharing them, I’m usually reading eleven different books at once, and I sometimes speak in metaphors. Which also means sometimes (most times) I ramble. I am also oddly skilled at making emails sound nicer.

Now, when I run out of things to talk about at a party (wait, why am I at a party?) I can talk endlessly to other introverts about being introverted.


 

These are my people.

 
The Husband  Jack-of-all-trades, Brawny-Man doppelgänger. Also answers to “ Baaaabe! ”

The Husband
Jack-of-all-trades, Brawny-Man doppelgänger. Also answers to “Baaaabe!

The Teenager  NASA Enthusiast, professional introvert, hoarder of sci-fi and fantasy novels.

The Teenager
NASA Enthusiast, professional introvert, hoarder of sci-fi and fantasy novels.

The Threenager  Spirited toddler, bedtime negotiator, believes life is better without pants.

The Threenager
Spirited toddler, bedtime negotiator, believes life is better without pants.

The Schmoo  Open-mouth kisser, competitive eater, world’s lightest sleeper.

The Schmoo
Open-mouth kisser, competitive eater, world’s lightest sleeper.

The Belgian  Chief security officer, food stealer, sings  Jingle Bells  at Christmastime.

The Belgian
Chief security officer, food stealer, sings Jingle Bells at Christmastime.

The Fuzz  Security enforcer, avid squirrel hunter, professional foxtail absorber.

The Fuzz
Security enforcer, avid squirrel hunter, professional foxtail absorber.

 
shutterstock_708551746.jpg
 
 

 I like maternity pants & tacos.

and other random things you never asked about

By day, you’ll find me wearing maternity pants longer than I should, complaining about crumbs in my car, and eating cookies when no one is watching. By night, I Google the ending to Game of Thrones before watching, and when I’m lucky, I read books without pictures.

I nearly failed gym class every year I took it, and when I was fifteen I was hit in the face with a golf ball and had to be taken away from the Fremont Mini Golf in an ambulance. I love rollerskating but I’m the worst inline speed skater of all time. Obviously I’m very gifted at the athletics. #gosports

Also I don’t use #hashtags correctly. Also I say “also” a lot.

 

 

Favorite things

Birkenstocks, tacos, maternity pants, goldfish crackers, anyone who cleans my house, plates with dividers, long walks through Costco.

not-favorite things

Socks, empty toilet paper rolls, overlapping food, unexpected phone calls, the word “hustle,” anyone named Caillou.

 
 

 @kellytheintrovert